Picture this: You’re sitting across from someone cute, the conversation’s flowing, and then BAM – they drop one of those lines that makes you mentally swipe left IRL. We’ve all been there, right? Whether you’re the one cringing or accidentally being the cringe-master yourself, first dates can turn into trainwrecks faster than you can say “check, please!”
Look, I get it. First date nerves make us say weird stuff sometimes. But some phrases are such massive conversation red flags that they’ll have your date texting their friends under the table faster than you can order dessert. So let’s talk about what NOT to say on a first date – because nobody wants to be that person.
Contents
The Ex Files: Stop Living in the Past
1. “My ex used to…”
Oh honey, no. Just… no. Your date doesn’t want to hear about Sarah’s weird laugh or how Mike never appreciated your cooking. Bringing up your ex on a first date screams that you’re not over them – and frankly, it’s just awkward for everyone involved.
Want to know why this kills attraction instantly? Because your date starts wondering if they’re just a rebound or if you’ll be comparing them to your ex all night. Keep the past in the past where it belongs.
2. “I’m not over my ex, but…”
Stop right there! If you’re not over your ex, why are you even here? This phrase is basically saying, “Hey, want to be my emotional placeholder while I figure my life out?”
Nobody signs up to be someone’s second choice. Your date deserves your full attention, not the leftover scraps of your emotional availability. If you’re still healing from a breakup, check out these empowering breakup quotes for moving on to help you process those feelings before jumping back into dating.
Money Talk Gone Wrong
3. “I’m broke right now”
Look, we’ve all had tight budget months, but announcing your financial struggles on a first date? That’s not the vibe you want to set. It makes things awkward and puts unnecessary pressure on your date to pick up the tab.
Instead of dwelling on what you can’t afford, suggest fun activities within your budget. A coffee date or a walk in the park can be way more memorable than an expensive dinner where you’re stressed about the bill.
4. “How much money do you make?”
Whoa there, gold digger alert! :/ Asking about someone’s salary on a first date is incredibly tacky and makes you look like you’re shopping for a sugar daddy/mama rather than a genuine connection.
Financial compatibility matters in relationships, but there’s a time and place for those conversations – and it’s definitely not over appetizers.
Oversharing Central Station
5. “I have daddy/mommy issues”
We all have family baggage – welcome to being human! But announcing your psychological complexes on a first date is like showing up in your underwear. Too much, too soon.
Your date isn’t your therapist, and they shouldn’t feel like they need a psychology degree just to have dinner with you. Save the deep family trauma talks for when you actually know each other.
6. “I hate all my friends”
If you hate everyone in your life, what does that say about you? This phrase makes you sound bitter, negative, and honestly, kind of toxic. Your date will start wondering what you’ll say about them behind their back.
Healthy relationships require emotional intelligence – and constantly bad-mouthing your social circle suggests you might lack that quality.
Future Tripping Hard
7. “I want kids/marriage ASAP”
Slow your roll there, speed racer! While it’s totally fine to know what you want in life, announcing your timeline for major life events on a first date puts massive pressure on someone you literally just met.
Your date might want the same things eventually, but they need time to get to know YOU first. Coming on too strong with future plans makes you seem desperate and can scare off even genuinely interested people.
8. “I’ve already planned our next five dates”
Planning is great, but this level of presumption is… a lot. It suggests you’re more interested in having a relationship than having a relationship with them specifically.
Give people space to show interest naturally instead of steamrolling them with your enthusiasm.
The Negativity Express
9. “I hate my job/life/everything”
Nobody wants to sign up for a lifetime subscription to Debbie Downer Weekly. Constant complaining about your life makes you seem like a drain on everyone’s energy.
Positivity is attractive – not toxic positivity, just basic optimism about life. If you genuinely hate everything about your current situation, maybe focus on fixing that before dating?
10. “You’re not like other girls/guys”
This backhanded compliment is actually an insult to an entire gender. It suggests you have some pretty weird prejudices about people, and your date will wonder what negative assumptions you’re making about them too.
Every person is unique – you don’t need to put down half the population to compliment one person.
Boundary Violation Station
11. “Let’s go back to my place”
Easy there, tiger! Suggesting hooking up on a first date puts your intentions front and center – and it’s usually not the center most people want to be in during a getting-to-know-you conversation.
Even if you’re both feeling the chemistry, let things develop naturally instead of making your date feel like they’re being pressured into something physical.
12. “Why are you single?”
This question sounds innocent but it’s actually pretty loaded. It implies there must be something wrong with them if they’re available. Plus, the real answer might be “Because my last three dates asked me invasive questions like this one.”
Everyone has their own dating timeline and reasons for being single. Don’t make them feel like they need to justify their relationship status to you.
The Bottom Line
Here’s the thing – first dates are about getting to know each other, not conducting job interviews or therapy sessions. The best first date conversation topics are light, fun, and help you figure out if you actually enjoy each other’s company. And hey, if things go really well and you progress beyond the first date stage, you might want to start planning some memorable experiences together – like these creative weekend retreat ideas for couples to deepen your connection.
Want to know what TO talk about instead? Ask about their hobbies, travel stories, favorite movies, or that weird thing that happened to them last week. Keep it positive, keep it curious, and for the love of all that’s holy, keep your ex out of it!
Remember, you’re both there to have a good time – not to solve each other’s problems or plan your future wedding. So relax, be yourself (just maybe not the oversharing, ex-obsessed, broke version of yourself), and see where the conversation takes you.
FYI, if you catch yourself about to say any of these phrases, just… don’t. Trust me on this one – your future relationships will thank you! 🙂
FAQs
What should you not talk about on a first date?
Avoid discussing exes, money problems, family drama, marriage timelines, and negative topics. Keep first date conversation light and positive.
What are red flags to avoid saying on a first date?
Don’t mention being broke, ask about salary, overshare personal issues, or pressure for future dates. These conversation red flags kill attraction instantly.
How do you avoid awkward first date conversations?
Focus on hobbies, travel, movies, and fun stories instead of deep personal problems. Ask open-ended questions and stay positive throughout the date.
What kills attraction on a first date?
Talking about exes, being overly negative, discussing money issues, and coming on too strong with future plans are major attraction killers.
Should you talk about your ex on a first date?
Never bring up your ex on a first date. It signals you’re not over them and makes your date feel like a rebound.